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Many of us will mistakenly associate confidence with aggression and even cruelty. Unconfident people are all those bullied kids, the friend-zoned guys, and the trampled-upon office worker. Confident people are the jocks, the ‘bad guys’, and the ruthless CEOs. Right?

Wrong. Often, being aggressive demonstrates nothing more than a lack of self-esteem and defensiveness. Meanwhile, being genuinely kind, friendly, and generous can make you seem incredibly confident.

Friendliness is the easiest of these to understand. When you are friendly, that means you are outgoing and willing to approach people as friends. This means you must be somewhat extroverted and confident and it means that you aren’t just looking for a way to ‘get ahead’. You’re hanging out with nothing to gain, of your own volition, because you’re confident enough to do that and because you don’t need anything. Do you see the difference?

Likewise, when we are generous, this suggests we have ample resources. It suggests that we are not worried about our scant supply and it suggests that we are easy going.

Even just smiling is a gesture that puts us out there and lets us be vulnerable. And by doing that, we again demonstrate a lack of fear or anxiety.

Finally, complimenting people, supporting them, and building them up can massively improve our apparent confidence. That’s because it suggests we aren’t threatened by their success and we don’t have anything to prove ourselves. It’s as though you’re saying, I’m doing well and so I’m glad to help you do the same and to welcome you when you get here.

Conversely, when someone is cruel or jealous, it often suggests they have low self-esteem and they need to be that way to make themselves feel better.

How to Convey Friendly Confidence

To see for yourself just what a difference all this makes, try exercising this the next time you’re in a social setting. Walk up to someone in a bar and instead of asking for their number or dancing near them and staring at them, try introducing yourself in a friendly manner. Now introduce yourself to their friends, chat with them and try to have a good time.

You won’t believe how confident, up-together and attractive all that makes you seem right away. It makes a massive difference and guesses what? It makes you feel good too. So start being confidently kind!


  1. […] Self-esteem is how a person feels about themselves. Most of the time we can be our own worst critics. Not feeling good about how you look or your personality can lead to anxiety when you are in a group. You may be shy and reserved even though you want to talk to other people. […]

  2. […] Teens sometimes seem to be alien creatures. They have hormones going in all directions and so many things change for them. Self-esteem is a very important issue for teenagers so parents need to address it. The best scenario is to start looking at this with your children from an early age. […]

  3. […] give you the boldness to really fight for what is important to you, therefore it is a great idea to embrace life, living to the fullest. Today you are presented with an opportunity to do what you should do. Do […]

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