Many of us will mistakenly associate confidence with aggression and even cruelty. Unconfident people are all those bullied kids, the friend zoned guys and the trampled-upon office worker. Confident people are the jocks, the ‘bad guys’ and the ruthless CEOs. Right?
Wrong. Often, being aggressive demonstrates nothing more than a lack of self-esteem and a defensiveness. Meanwhile, being genuinely kind, friendly and generous can make you seem incredibly confident.
Friendliness is the easiest of these to understand. When you are friendly, that means you are outgoing and willing to approach people as friends. This means you must be somewhat extroverted and confident and it means that you aren’t just looking for a way to ‘get ahead’. You’re hanging out with nothing to gain, of your own volition, because you’re confident enough to do that and because you don’t need anything. Do you see the difference?
Likewise, when we are generous, this suggests we have ample resources. It suggests that we are not worried about our scant supply and it suggests that we are easy going.
Even just smiling is a gesture that puts us out there and lets us be vulnerable. And by doing that, we again demonstrate a lack of fear or anxiety.
Finally, complimenting people, supporting them and building them up can massively improve our apparent confidence. That’s because it suggests we aren’t threatened by their success and we don’t have anything to prove ourselves. It’s as though you’re saying, I’m doing well and so I’m glad to help you do the same and to welcome you when you get here.
Conversely, when someone is cruel or jealous, it often suggests they have low self-esteem and they need to be that way to make themselves feel better.
To see for yourself just what a difference all this makes, try exercising this the next time you’re in a social setting. Walk up to someone in a bar and instead of asking for their number or dancing near them and staring at them, try introducing yourself in a friendly manner. Now introduce yourself to their friends, chat with them and try to have a good time.
You won’t believe how confident, up-together and attractive all that makes you seem right away. It makes a massive difference and guess what? It makes you feel good too. So start being confidently kind!
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